Drawing days

Wednesday, April 29, 2009 , 7:25 PM

Today, I will very open with everybody. I will mention names. I will not hesitate to. And most of all, if any body wants to complain, feel free! The tagboard is free to anybody but spammers. (Not that I will bother about spammers, but the cbox auto bans people when it is spammed with messages.)I won't like it if those who are mentioned talk about the posting actually. But I'll heck care for now. Because I don't care about them now anyway. I'm too furious.

EDIT: What nonsense, don't let it pollute your brain.

Firstly, Pui Yee. I don't know why. The first time I was angry with her was when one day I called her. I didn't know where she was but she told me to go to the canteen. I thought she was at her classroom, and then I was at the floor below the classroom. I thought we could go to the canteen together. But I needed to confirm it so I asked her where was she but she wouldn't tell me. She just kept saying " Just go to the canteen..." Then she abruptly hang up. I was so irritated. That was so rude! I wanted to message her back, threatening to go home by myself if she were to hang up on me like that again or be rude. Before I finished it, she called me. I told her about it until I saw her in the canteen. I scolded her. Then she said she couldn't hear me. And said why couldn't I just go canteen? I was so furious. And she said why I was trying to pick a fight with her over such things? If she asked me to do things, I will do it, but I just wanted to know where she was, if she was at the classroom, I don't see why can't we go together to the canteen? Unless she was ashamed that I meet her new friends or whatever? But that was probably not the case.

Another time. I was waiting for her message. She has Chinese supplementary class. I didn't how long it would take, but if it was 30 mins or 1 hour, maybe I wouldn't mind waiting. I went to find her in the classroom. I couldn't see anyone from Keming. It took me a while to spot Pui Yee. Then Pui Yee finally looked at me. She gave me an annoyed-at-you look. Maybe that was a embarrassed-that-you-are-my-friend look. But she probably didn't mean to. I tried to hand signal to her that I had SMS-ed her and didn't receive her message. She didn't understand. She still had that annoyed look. She came out. Then I told her. She said she replied. Then I said I was asking about when her class ended. I went on to check my phone for the SMS. Then she looked like "why bother". And she that since she had supp. class I can go home. WTH. She dn't understand. And she said I was trying to pick fight with her again? Why in the world would I want to pick fight with her? I have nothing better to do? Is that how I always look like to you? A person who likes to pick fight?
I regret thinking about hugging her and wanting to tell her that I haven't gone home with someone for a long time. ( I'm not lesbian, it's a fact that Pui Yee hugs people right?) I went home and thought about this incident for straight 1 and half hours.

I feel so pathetic. When I argue, yes, even when I made my point I still come back to say a few comments here and there or scold you again, but that just proves how irked I was. I usually forget this after a day or two, unless you angered me enough to ignore you for some long time. (Believe me, I ignored someone for 3 months before.)

You know that feeling when you feel a bond with a person? Like you could share secrets with. Tell that person about an incident that you keep thinking about. Pour out your feelings with when you are upset with? What if one day you noticed that this person has started to move further away from you? And that person is not there when you want comfort? That person seems to find you boring and minds the imperfections about you? Would you trust that person anymore? I wouldn't trust that person as much anymore. It just happens that I have struggled for a minimum of 3 months, I have not got rid of this damned feeling. Do you all find me rude? Hot-tempered? Always disappointed at you because you are closer to me? Am I so boring?

Fine, I will get rid of this mess. Not to mention how I hate Nan Hua now.

I don't understand. Are you trying to get me jealous? Even when you know me for years, for my birthday you give me a stupid present then on someone else's birthday you send a chain of presents that I told you before I would die to have? Maybe I'm jealous. You just got me into it.

Forget about what I said I don't mind if you bring your friends when you accompany me or whatever. I don't own you neither do you. I don't like how you got your friends to come every morning to the sitting area we had. Okay, now we don't chat anymore, I don't know why is that, maybe because we talked about everything interesting in the world that there's nothing left. But that does not give you reason to bring your friends here. And take up my space. And disturb. I thought that space was reserved for us only?! For ex-Kemingnites?!
Fine! It's my fault. I should have gone!

How do I like it when my friend whom I voted as a project leader did not turn out to be as responsible as I thought? Yi Ying. I thought she would have the least courtesy to tell me what they are doing with the project. They are screwing it up. My comments were ignored! If it fails, I'm so going to scream.

My father. He keeps scolding me for nothing! When my brother did the exact same thing before, he didn't scold him. How biased. I'm sick of this.

In the middle of my depression(but I don't think of commiting suicide... I will tell you later) and upset, only my Jie Jie(if this makes you laugh, I pity you because you don't have that kind of bond with friends yet, and that makes me happy cause you are actually really worse off than me.) gave me comfort. I keep wanting to hug her.

I wonder when I die, will everybody just suffer a little jolt of shock then let it pass or remember me for a long time. I really do. Because I don't know if you actually care. (Not that I want to die, but I wonder what you would do, because maybe only death can give you a shock that is related to me.)

Enough of nagging. Okay, this goes especially to Pui Yee. Yes, I am disappointed in you because I don't know why you would think I wanted to pick fight with you. But then, you probably are already in a bad mood, ~~me too and then since this was your limit then I shouldn't be disappointed or anything cause I shouldn't expect more right? I am not angry at you or anything.~~ Just a little disappointment, but it's okay unless you are angry with me.

I am too greedy. My view, again.