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Hello and welcome.(｡’▽’｡) In summary, I am a delirious girl with no life whatsoever. I draw, I eat, I sleep and I produce carbon dioxide. Blogposts consists of mostly rants and silly unimportant things of my daily life. Enjoy your time here. I hope you get annoyed by the music. థ ౪ థ |
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Sunday, June 10, 2012
, 5:41 PM
He sees my laptop.
Says I've been reading 'comic comic comic' again.
For one. Most of the time, I read MANGA not COMIC.
If he used the actual term, I might have have one less thing to be annoyed about and one less thing to nit pick.
Secondly, I wasn't reading any comic. At that time I was reading some wiki about horror stories.
How was that comic?
I think my dad has been hallucinating.
Then he started on his usual lectures.
I really hated it.
Tells me about that if my prelim 1 results aren't good, then he will dictate how I will do my studying.
Excuse me for using a swear word.
FUCK YOU.
That's as good as definite.
Because firstly, prelim 1 were meant to scare the students. You're as good as gone. They tend to set super heavy content for your prelims.
Secondly, even if I did well, even if I improved,
that guy never
never
ever
once felt that I improved.
He found problems with my results no matter what. What's the damn point?
Next thing, my mother thinks I'm just holed up in my room instead of studying outside so that I can hide what I've been doing.
Yes. Because the truth is whatever I do, they don't approve of it. They think what I do is inefficient, unproductive.
Nag all day long.
Anyway, it's not like I actually get any privacy, because the truth is that my room door is never close, and whenever they feel bored, they keep walking in and looking at what I do.
Sometimes I wonder if they should just cage me up and exhibit me in the living room for their own viewing.
It's so irritating.
Before my dad walked in, I was planning my study timetable. I was going to have a study session tonight.
I hid it away the moment he stepped in.
Why?
Because I didn't want him to see it. There were 'decorations' on my timetable. Let's face it, they were drawings. Something he wouldn't approve.
Now I don't even want to study.
I have this rebellious streak.
I don't want him to think that I started studying seriously because he scolded me.
I want to tell him that his scoldings only make me more rebellious. Simply cause I effing hate him for not even trying to understand or find out what I've been doing, and making silly, stupid, ridiculously idiotic and stupendous assumptions that all lead to one thing : I have not been putting in effort to study.
Tells me I give excuses all the time. If he hasn't realised, he hasn't even asked me why my grades were unsatisfactory, and I haven't even TRIED to explain to him how I was doing and why it turned out badly.
Because I've stopped trying to get him to understand.
I've stopped believing in the fact that my father could possibly even want to understand me.
Every time in the year, it's the same old thing.
Wash, rinse and repeat. We've been through the same routine.
I don't even want to talk back. I just look away.
Occasionally I let slip some things I feel indignant for, but I immediately regret it once the words escape my mouth. Because my dad as usual gives his own excuses.
I wish I could tell him to actually change his phrasing or perspective, cause he merely just says the same thing over again.
Then again, at times I wonder if it's just me being angsty. I rather not be associated with that word, but at the moment it seems appropriate.
I really hate this.
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